You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
