currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
