I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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