woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
