I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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