Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
