you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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