I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
