Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize