My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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