Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
