Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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