Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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