she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
