Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
