you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
