well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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