I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize