Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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