I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
