even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did i walk over a car last night?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
