I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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