I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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