Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
