I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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