I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
