He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
