First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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