my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We are all done wearing pants today
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
