I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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