i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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