She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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