She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
