She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
