So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
