She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize