it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
