How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
