What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
