im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The power of my boobs compel you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
