Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize