So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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