I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
