So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
