Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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