My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
