im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
