Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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