Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
