I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
