i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
