imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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