3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
