no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
