he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
