from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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