At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
