It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
