She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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