question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
