I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
