I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
