Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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