I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
