I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
