It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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