I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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