STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
