She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
