The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize