Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She said her name was "party"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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