AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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