ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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