Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
