Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
