Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
