Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
